Ram Singh Will Always be Ram Singh!!

I read in today's newspaper that Ram Singh is shamelessly unapologetic about what he has done, as per the police statement. For those readers who don't know who this person is, he is one of the perpetrators of the recent rape and brutal molestation of a 23 year old girl in a moving bus in Delhi. The girl has undergone a series of surgeries and by her willingness to live is fighting for her life. Now if you will ask, why it sparked so much nationwide protest and outrage when such cases happen daily, reported or unreported, then probably the answer would be the barbarism shown in this case by the criminals outclassed other cases of such ilk. This reflects so many things about male mentality in our society, which need to be deliberated upon. This post is an end result of the same deliberation.

We, The Men, in general, whether we accept or refute, have always been predominantly condescending and ill behaved towards women since the primitive times itself. We have imbibed this attitude from our forefathers over the centuries.The physical strength we possess made us believe that we are omnipotent among the genders. Go back to the 'earlyman' age, when humans had just food and shelter as the only need for survival,  men being physically strong used to go for hunting and women used to cook as that's what they both were capable of doing in best way possible, respectively, as per their capabilities & awareness. Also for shelter, it was the man himself, who actually erected the house of bamboo and grass for he only had the physical strength to do so between the two. These activities brought a sense of arrogance in us which translated into a very dangerous thought around - "Without us they can't survive". This further led to an enforced dominance of ours over our women to which they succumbed being the "PHYSICALLY" weaker gender and we started enjoying this power we were given with all the arrogance in this world ignoring the sheer existence of women, leave apart how they felt about this. 

As things moved on, all the "mighty" men of all the households got together and made the much required social structure, rules and practices but at the same time made sure that they don't lose out on the dominance and power they are commanding at  a given time, at the level of hierarchy they sit, in the society they are a part. This mentality gets reflected in our age old practices like caste system, dowry, girl leaving her house after marriage, accepting the family name of the boy's and host of other practices. Now since this thing has come up, I will quickly ask one question to girls of modern times out there - Why do you so readily change your family name (or even add the surname of your husband) after getting married? Two reasons - out of the love you share or the guy & his family force you to do so. Now if the reason is the former, how many times your guy has voluntarily offered to change or add your family name to his? Actually here it is important to know the mentality behind making this rule. The mentality was that hereonwards being a girl, you are not supposed to have your own identity, which you were having since your childhood. Because once I change your name, you will be a different person altogether. You will have lost the linkage to your childhood, the association with your parents, the life you have lived so far. You will feel weaker and dependent. So then you have to accept me as your savior. I will protect you and protect you from whom - the men of my breed who are out there to make you their prey. Ironical right? Heh!!! I'm trying to say just one thing to the fellow men out there that to make your wife accept you and your family and respect them, doesn't need changing her name and thus her identity. Love can't be enforced. The respect and love will come from the reciprocation on the part of you and her new family. I apologize for the digression here, though it wasn't one, I suppose.  

Now once these rules are framed using all our shrewdness & the practices are given  to the society to be followed, we started neglecting the very feeling of those who played an equally vital role in the existence of the society we were and are part of - our women. We made sure that we stop their upliftment for if they get aware and educated they might start questioning the undisputed supremacy of ours. Thankfully there were few angelic souls out there who dared to uplift their women and gave them importance and recognition they deserved. Its because of  such people I'm able to write this and there are sensitive, educated and aware men and women out there in this country. 

We men, stooped in our manly arrogance, need to understand one important thing here that a woman is created by the Almighty to bring life to this planet. How we exploit it ourselves is a different thing. The creation of a human happens inside a woman for which she has to go through few painful days of menstrual cycle in which she loses blood in the range of 35 mL to 80mL every month. With blood loss she suffers from the iron deficiency and apart from that host of other complexities in her body gets build up which God only has given her to make her conceive a new life. All these, she endures with an omnipresent smile just to make you feel happy. And we deem her weak. Damn we!!

So with respect to the points above, if we go on talking about "Rape", we see that it comes out of a culture, a value, a belief, a thought, an arrogance which has been inculcated in the rapist by his parents, relatives, family members, friends and society in which he has grown up since his childhood hence all these people would be called rapists, not alone him. Rape is a character. It can't be changed in a day or two by enforcement, light punishments, threats, candle light marches etc. It will take generations to change that character. It is an attitude change we are talking about here.

The key here is sensitization. It will be wrong to say that it comes from education alone. It is one of the ways. What is sought here is not a post graduate degree, as ironically the number of degrees don't bring sensibility and sensitivity in a person. Its just about the fact that whether you can leave your arrogance and self obsession behind and try to look at what others feel and think who live along with you. Learn to recognize their existence as they deserve the same love and respect that you do. There are uneducated families living out there who know how to respect their women. This proves this fact that it isn't education alone.

The need of this hour is law and order enforcement and able governance. Lets protest for that. Ram Singh can't be changed. He will always be Ram Singh. We just need to scare him and make him afraid so that he has to think 100 times before he goes on committing such beastly crime. Girls, there's simply no need to plead to men to treat you respectfully because those who don't, won't. And my dear "Sensitive Men", I would simply say that as God is not taking blood out of you every month, use that extra strength which you are gaining, to help women to exist respectfully as you do. Don't be a blind and deaf spectator.

Ram Singh, you better don't forget that a rod can be entered in you as well and if you don't change now, one of us will do that very soon to you and that will definitely be blatantly & mercilessly done, which your manhood won't be able to endure. Woe betide'!!

'Sorry" - More than just a Word Said!

As I removed the wrapper from one of my favourite Cadbury's Fruit and Nut after lunch at 'Casa De Cha' and saw my watch, it said 5 minutes to 1. In the fear of missing the MLR class, which was going to start at 1, I hurriedly took out the chocolate and conjecturing the actual coordinates of the dust bin, tossed the blue cadbury paper towards it. As I turned back, grabbing the change from the restaurant manager, I saw my chocolate wrapper on the floor besides the trash box. The very next word which automatically came out of me was "Ohh...Sorry". A mate immediately asked me whom I said sorry to and gave a vociferous guffaw. This didn't happen for the first time to me. Very often I would be found being asked - "Sorry??? .. To whom buddy?" and every time I would smile and walk along. Did you ask me why don't I answer them? Oh C'mmon! If they could understand the reason, this question would not have been asked at the first place. Right?

You should apologize only when you feel that you have done something wrong - this is what a common philosophy is, isn't it? I am no loner. I too have the same thinking. Its just that what others feel is not wrong, is wrong for me and to an extent where I must say sorry as it puts a great impact on my identity as a sensitive and responsible human being. Every action of mine impacts some one or the other in different ways. The chocolate wrapper, not placed inside the dustbin, was littering the place I walk into very often. This was giving my foreign guests a wrong signal about our lifestyle. I feel every action of mine and weigh its consequences at each point. Be it the statement I make, the way I walk, the stances I take or the behaviour I display - I am answerable - thats my way of life. I thank my father to imbibe these values in me. I am happy that I am adding value to my existence in many ways.

Love me, love my dog :) - If you like it, adopt it.

Cheers!

Responsibility - Not an Appendage to Education!! - Its a Realisation for the Good!!

The other day, when I was whiling away my time during the post lunch session, one of my office colleagues said "Dude!! Education is just not enough to change our country.....". I smiled and we dispersed with those words in my mind, to brood over later. I gave a thought and suddenly all the events started flashing in front of my subconscious mind.

A Consultant in Ernst and Young, driving a spanking new 'Accord', stuck in a traffic jam, honking incessantly, using all the sound energy HONDA has made it to generate - How much do you think this gentleman would have studied? Must had been an IIM or a good B School graduate!! Right?? Now with all his intellect inside, what was he trying to do actually, stuck between hundreds of cars, leading and trailing him? Can any of you explain me? Ahaaa!! Lemme guess then!! Perhaps he was trying to smash off the leading vehicles and clear the traffic by this cacophony. Sir!! Am I Right?? I would simply say that you are a complete jerk!!

Be it any queue, Railway reservation, Office Lunch Coupon, Movie Tickets, Vehicles on a busy road : I should be the first one to get the privilege, and I can go to any limit to seek the same. If it results in creating a mess around, I am least bothered. After all, I am the most insensitive person on this planet. I forget, that the Lord has made we humans, stand unique in the lot of animals since we are supposed to be more cultured, more organized and arranged - On the contrary we are in competition with each other in showing our barbarism, to this world. And remember!! We call ourselves educated. God save us!!

We often laugh our hearts out, while discussing that we love breaking rules. 'Rules are meant to be broken dude' - so much passion oozes out while uttering this small statement, isn't it? Rules are just some well documented list of formalities for us. We enjoy flouting them to an extent that we forget that one day it would fall back on us causing a vicious problem for one or many of us; and it always does. We call it an accident. Who's the cause? We, ourselves. Rules are always broken and when questioned - we give a simper and utter one of the most disgusting statement of the world - 'Sab chalta hai yaar'!! Hoardings say 'Please don't spit here!! Kindly use dustbins to dispose off the litter!! Help us make our city clean!!' Who cares man?? Come, lets start a competition who can make this city one of the filthiest place to live. Why can't we deem the places we visit, our own dwelling space? For our very homes, we have a set of rules defined, which we follow so religiously. Any flouting by our kids, can cost them one of the biggest reprimands they must have ever faced. Do we ever spit on our bed room floors? Can we do that? Why can't we do that? Because we live there, we have our comfort associated with it. If a guest happens to see the same, they would deem us some one very insensitive, very untidy and uncultured. Why not being more responsible towards your city, your country and more necessarily towards ourselves, that if a guest lands in our country, he has nothing to say except the flurry of words in appreciation for our nation and its beings. But what happens in reality, can be more appalling for a very few 'sensitive lot' of the society - The reality is that in Switzerland, the hoardings at the famous tourist spots are bound to say in HINDI - "Kripaya yahan gandagi na failayein" (Kindly don't litter this place) - This is the image of our people in their eyes. This is a sheer disgusting thing and not at all a thing to laugh on. Please, for God's sake!! Lets do something to redress this image.

Oh ya!! In complaints, we are the leaders. The human conscience does not allow us to complain if we are not playing our part in the improvement. We should understand a stark fact that a country consisting of 1.12 billion people cannot be managed by any damn government of this world. Start taking our own responsibilities - towards ourselves, towards our society, towards our city and thus towards our country. Redress ourselves first, in all terms. Play our part in improving our own life. In this process you would come across so many things which need to be corrected. Then no body can point fingers on you when you go to the administration, taking the list of complains you have and make the expectations. That would be the time when we will learn the importance of voting in real terms. We will vote because we have played our part in improving ourselves and thus our nation and now looking out for a worthy helping hand in the form of a good governance. We will know then, why we are voting and whom should we vote? We must understand one simple thing that ignorant and irresponsible citizens are bane to their country. Don't let ourselves be a load on our country; it's already overloaded my dear!!

Come lets bring the right attitude within us to redress our nation's lost image in the eyes of our guests. Lets play our part, feel our responsibility towards each and every action we do every day. Think before each step you take and its consequences. For ourselves, for the people with whom we are living and most importantly, for our very own beloved country.

In the words of Confucious -
"To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right."